I’m Sick of…

I’m sick of being called a murderer.

I’m sick of “peaceful” protesters threatening to kill me.

I’m sick of being told I’m not trustworthy.

I’m sick of listening to inconsistent accounts of the same story.

I’m sick of adrenaline dumps.

I’m sick of being stuck in condition red all of the time.

I’m sick of not sleeping.

I’m sick of having to watch my back when I go get dinner.

I’m sick of nightmares about my gun not working.

I’m sick of aid calls.

I’m sick of hearing officers in trouble frantically key up their radios.

I’m sick of worrying about my fellow officers.

I’m sick of worrying about good people trapped inside their homes.

I’m sick of hearing gunfire.

I’m sick of bottles and Molotovs being thrown at my head.

I’m sick of structure fires.

I’m sick of having to distinguish between press, protesters, and “real” criminals.

I’m sick of not having the same right to free speech that I’m accused of infringing upon.

I’m sick of being told I’m the problem.

I’m sick of living in a society without rule of law.

I’m sick of lectures on the first amendment from voices that want to deny the fifth.

I’m sick of the phrase, “I don’t condone it, but I understand.”

I’m sick of justifications and platitudes.

I’m sick of out of context and nonsequitor traffic stop data.

I’m sick of wondering if it’s going to get bad again tonight.

I’m sick of being called stupid.

I’m sick of shin splints from standing on the street for hours.

I’m sick of wondering if my flashlight is going to hold its charge.

I’m sick of being blamed for all of the racial problems in St. Louis.

I’m sick of being told I wouldn’t understand.

I’m sick of supposed leaders without a plan.

I’m sick of CS gas.

I’m sick of guerilla tactics but being told I’m acting too militarized.

I’m sick of waiting.

I’m sick of complacency.

I’m sick of people complaining about Bearcats and tactical units.

I’m sick of bad cops saying and doing stupid things that reflect on all of us.

I’m sick of tit-for-tat evidence being released without corroboration on social media.

I’m sick of being treated like every officer injured deserved it.

I’m sick of being told that the risks we now face are a part of the job.

I’m sick of racism.

I’m sick of denial and minimization.

I’m sick of the phrase, “Snitches get stitches.”

I’m sick of my family worrying about me.

I’m sick of the criminal justice system being held hostage.

I’m sick of reading social media for clues on what will happen next.

I’m sick of businesses being attacked for calling the police.

I’m sick of arsonists not knowing how to fact check.

I’m sick of being accused of excessive force and media suppression.

I’m sick of the media talking about tear gas but not homicides within the protests.

I’m sick of being told how many shots is acceptable to shoot someone.

I’m sick of having to take my uniform off before I go home.

I’m sick of the loudest voices getting all of the airtime.

I’m sick of national figures using this situation for preexisting agendas.

I’m sick of the goal posts constantly moving.

I’m sick of hearing how much worse everything will be if the officer isn’t indicted.

I’m sick of feeling helpless.